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avatar John Paul
If your name is Sarah and you're not telling people it's short for Triceratops, what are you even doing with your life?

If your name is Sarah and you're not telling people it's short for Triceratops, what are you even doing with your life?

avatar John Paul
14,000 people are having sex right now. 25,000 are kissing. 50,000 are hugging. And you... well you're reading this. Trust me, I'm not happy about it either.

14,000 people are having sex right now. 25,000 are kissing. 50,000 are hugging. And you... well you're reading this. Trust me, I'm not happy about it either.

avatar Patricia Lee
I once dated a girl who had a twin, and people always asked how I could tell them apart. Easy - Alison painted her nails red... and Bob had a beard.

I once dated a girl who had a twin, and people always asked how I could tell them apart. Easy - Alison painted her nails red... and Bob had a beard.

avatar Agni Gauss
BUILDING INSPECTOR: Well, you say you've kept everything up to code, but I've been speaking with your 4 year old and he informed me the floor is actually lava, which—I don't need to tell you—is a pretty serious safety violation.

BUILDING INSPECTOR: Well, you say you've kept everything up to code, but I've been speaking with your 4 year old and he informed me the floor is actually lava, which—I don't need to tell you—is a pretty serious safety violation.

avatar Jacob Junior
I'm too lazy to be a stalker. You'll have to come here. And bring coffee.

I'm too lazy to be a stalker. You'll have to come here. And bring coffee.

avatar Isabella Lewis
Sure, boss, I'd still be ya henchman if you was a woim

Sure, boss, I'd still be ya henchman if you was a woim

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